The first year is the hardest….and no, I’m not talking about the first year of marriage. When my husband and I were engaged so many people told us that the first year of marriage was the hardest….they were wrong. At least in my opinion. The first year that is actually the hardest? The first year after having a baby. And I don’t necessarily even mean your first baby. EVERY baby. We’ve had 3 kids and the first year after every one of them was the hardest on us and our marriage. Without a doubt.
I’m guessing it has to do with the adjustment period. You can read all the books you want but nothing really prepares you for taking care of another human. In your mind you have an idea of how you want it to go, and in your partners head they have an idea of how it will go and sometimes bringing those ideas together doesn’t always go as planned. And don’t forget every baby is DIFFERENT.
Our third (and last) just turned a year old in July and that year was the hardest yet. I’m not sure if it was because we always thought we’d just have 2 kids and he was a “surprise”, or if it was because we were already overwhelmed by the issues we were facing with our daughter. (if you’re curious you can read about that HERE) Or maybe it was because during my c-section there was a complication causing me to come home from the hospital with a catheter for two weeks. I definitely don’t think that beyond horrible start helped the situation. But whatever it was, I was angry, resentful and in so much pain. I had a disconnect with my baby, my husband and really everyone around me.
I am not sure exactly what happens at the “year” turning point, but I swear something magical does. At least for us. Maybe that’s how long it takes for us to get back into a routine that works for us or maybe it’s just our breaking point when we know things have to change. I just felt the urge to warn you because no one EVER warned me. That first year is full of more tears, frustration, fears and chaos then you ever imagined possible BUT it is also filled with so much laughter, joy & happiness that makes it all worth it. Just don’t give up. It gets better.
~Julie
